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2009 Fairbanks Single Malt Islay Scotch and Fine Cigar Society Board of Directors annual meeting

There we were, mind you, and it was desperate indeed, albeit as usual. Due to conditions, the usual annual winter meeting of the Board of Directors of the prestigious Fairbanks Single Malt Islay Scotch and Fine Cigar Society was repeatedly postponed until it was the middle of summer already. Close enough. But by all accounts the Director from Juneau would be unable to attend, due to the good sailing vessel Mischief and other adventure enticements. Well, the annual business of the Board was of such substance and concern to our international contacts that the meeting could no longer be postponed.

The meeting took place in the exquisite log cabin overlooking the entire Tanana River Valley forest, and looking at the magnificent Alaska Range gleaming white in the not too distance, there behind a bit of a new haze from the many forest fires that assist with the ongoing evolution of the ecosystem and global warming. Interior Alaska is a fire ecology, cycling the old growth spruce into new alder and willow for moose food, then birch and poplar for woodpecker habitat, then spruce again for fires for airborne carbon particles to warm the earth in preparation for the return of dinosaurs, or something like that. Al Gore has the program, but he and the Trilateralists are keeping it secret.

After the usual fussing around with the preparation of the gourmet selection of our de' hourves, the meeting came to order, somewhat. No sooner had we poured the official "meeting came to order" first round of Scotch, of course the Gold Standard, that being Lagavulin 16, than the Director from Juneau walked in the door. Considering the distance and other considerations, this was a genuine surprise of high quality. Exclamations where exclaimed. The secret Society handshake was performed. Another scotch glass was secured from the Scotch glass vault, and Lagavulin sloshed therein.

The clinking of glasses, a few rebbies and harrumphs, scooting of chairs, and the meeting came to order again.

While the prestigious Secretary fumbled around for some paper and a pen, and assumed his proper position close to the bottles of Scotch, the lamentable but impressive account of the ProjectNight.com salmon and moose sausage smoker going up in smoke was recounted. Fortunately we had some moose sausage that predated the event. Well, where there is smoke, there is fire, sometimes more than one prefers. That was the finest meat smoker in the realm.

The official quorum therefore present, great and weighty matters of serious consequence, upon which the Scotch and Cigar worlds teeter at the very brink of jubilation, as usual, were open for homdihooming. So it was that the first bottle of the meeting's official six bottle blind tasting and evaluation, was opened, after having calibrated our pallets with the Gold Standard.

#1 was poured.

The Minutes of the previous meeting were presented with careful, analytical and critical attention by the Society members, as you can recognized in the photos. Accuracy is paramount in FSMIS&FCS proceedings. The Minutes were probably approved, or not disapproved. Hmmm, the minutes reflect that we had several more Scotches at the previous meeting. Must have been a well approved meeting.

#1 was variously described as mild, light, not peaty or smoky, perhaps not Islay, straw, volatiles on the nose and a little on the slaunchwise side with an intriguing mid note confusing the tongue but otherwise a superlative Scotch deserving of a position in any well appointed liquor cabinet. The best locations for crab pots near Juneau were pontificated upon, and a few fishing stories. Some of the bizarre living things that come up on a hook from the bottom of the water near Juneau are obviously influenced by the politicians in the town, and therefore are to be thrown back quickly. There was an account of fly fishing for halibut from the good catamaran WinterKing.com at Homer, under the Captainship of Rex and Holly. Good things are to be said for each location along Alaska's seacoast that is longer than the entire seacoasts of the lower 48.

Goodness gracious the wrap came off #1 to reveal a Laphroig Islay Double Cask Quarter Cask Scotch, made by blending a quarter of the cask in another cask with an additional aging period. This accounted for the complexity that so extensively confused the members of the Board who thereupon discussed Alaska airplane crashes, Base Jumping and Jet Man flying, all on YouTube, and poured the next Scotch. Is it not interesting that international Base Jumping has advanced human ability to another extreme, with the ability to now jump into deep caves, and fly in freefall next to cliffs, etceteras. Yet the primitive mentality Police-State US government arrested, jailed and confiscated the equipment of many of the innovative Americans who developed Base Jumping during the 70's. If Leonardo de Vinci were an American in these times, the government thugs would have already renditioned him to Guantanamo to be tortured for daring to think advanced thoughts. All governments (their personnel) in human history have hated and attacked thinkers and innovators. Knowledge threatens the institutional power of inherently ignorant government leaders and bureaucrats who were just never taught how to think (ask and answer questions of their contradictions) All governments are dependent upon ignorant societies, with war regimes requiring the most ignorant societies, such as the American society. As it is with the Double Cask Quarter Cask, the mixing of aging precluded an age designation for the #1 Scotch, again explaining the difficulties of our perceptions.

# 2 was poured and carefully ascertained to be rich, peaty, butterscotch, caramel, buttery, certainly an Islay and most likely double wooded. Well after the fumble of descriptions for the previous Scotch, we wisely scooted to the other end of the rhetorical spectrum, sort of to hedge our illusions.

Our Scotch expertise and high standards were made evident.

After ample homdihooming and a discussion of Boreal owl nests, the unwrapping revealed # 2 to be a Bowmoore Darkest 15 year, a good friend with a history of pleasant thoughts, and maybe a few bizarre thoughts. This Scotch should be on every Scotch shelf, especially if you graciously invite any of the Board members to discuss fine Scotch. Contact the web slave. His email is somewhere on this website.

While the account of the proceedings proceeded inside the inner sanctum of the cabin, the photos outside the inner sanctum proceeded faster, so the photos to the left got there first. Do not be confused. All official tasting was conducted inside, without distractions from our intellectual analyses, and all the other proceedings were conducted outside, or something of that general sort.

#3 was introduced with a bit of the effects of it being #3, but nothing sloshing over the top of table. It was promptly noted for its spicy cinnamon tangy oak charcoal buttery citrus orange smoke flavors, as you would concur.

Somehow the stories of falling off cabin decks and down stairs wafted through as the Director from Juneau presented a well presented 8 pack of Cohibas, Partagus, and Macanudos, fresh from JR. And the fine port casks from Portugal were discussed for their flavor enhancement qualities for certain Scotches and Brandy's. The Minutes were reviewed to ascertain that the 12 December 2003 FSMS&FCS Board Meeting offered the most grand falling off the deck story. Well, these things must be kept in order for history.

#3 was revealed, much to our delight and confirming our fine taste, to be a Balvenie 21 year old Portwood Single Malt Scotch finished in Port casks from Dufftown Banffshire. The finest port casks in the Shire.

The most current report on the reason that Sarah Palin resigned as Governor had something to do with being caught with a goat, and photographed. This report was straight from Juneau, revealed by a person who could not be named because she was not authorized to speak for the agency, and therefore as credible as all the news printed and broadcast by the news media of these days. The goat was offered a million dollar book deal.

#4 offered a subtle iodine flavor straight from the Islay kelp beds sloshing with the ocean swells, back and forth on the rocks of the Islay rocky shore, along with a significant flavor-burst and strong volatiles giving it a possibly young flavor or something unusual that we looked forward to discovering upon its unwrapping. Enjoyably perplexing.

This was mixed with tales of humming birds, kestrels, clouds of redpoles, robins, goshawks, pygmy owls and ravens. Well, they just so suddenly flew through the stories that the secretary was befuddled but up to the task of properly recording their passage. Ravens display such intelligence that they may be the first animals with whom humans communicate by actions, and scare us. So when I was a kid I had a pet raven, which I acquired from a nest. After successfully conveying to the young raven that I was the most convenient source of food, he flew free and stayed where I stayed. I took him on trips, and let him go where I was staying. So one day I laid down on the lawn, on my side. The raven, also on the lawn, hopped up to my face, stared at my eyes awhile, then hopped to one side and very carefully and slowly stuck its beak into my ear a ways, then very quietly talked to me for a couple minutes, with a remarkably complex array of quiet words (sounds), then hopped back in front of my face and stared at my eyes. I tried to duplicate some of the sounds, but apparently failed because after 2 or 3 of the Raven's attempts to usefully communicate, he gave up on this dumb human, and flew off on another adventure. He did this on several occasions. Ravens understand what human ears are, what they are for, that they are delicate, and that something can be learned by trying to rationally talk to humans who establish a rapport with ravens. #4 came through with a cinnamon flavor, variously strong, smooth or rich in alcohol.

The sailboat stories were mixed with those of the increasing maliciousness of the US Coast Guard who are now getting their training and personnel from the Homeland Security Gestapo and TSA. Well, what with terrorists now behind every Bush, local sailboats pulling out of local harbors are prey for the budget-excuse-desperate American Police State thugs in Coast Guard boats protecting us from, ah, ah, well come to think of it, maybe we need to hire somebody to protect us from the American police thugs.

We enjoyed the moose sausage, dark red pepper chocolate, jarlsberg and limberger cheeses, salmon spread and fancy crackers. Not sure why some of the Scotch had a limberger undertone.

Sherry casks are recommended for finishing some Scotches.

#4 unwrapped to be a 25 year old Caol Islay Single Malt with 59.4 percent alcohol, explaining its flavors completely.

#5 was introduced to our glasses, and, by chance or intent, to our pallets, with a butterscotch aroma to the nose and a mild spike of leather to the tongue. Hmmm, how does one get a mild spike? I'm not too sure about some of these descriptions, that progressed to a smooth floral mid note with a 5'ish finish and a hint of limberger. Hey, wait, there aint no Scotch with a hint of limberger. This year's limberger cheese was smooth and mild, worthy of the occasion, with a slight old rotted flavour.

We discussed the differences and potential of Scottish and Alaska peats, of which there are many. And the flavor of #5 opened to a simply wonderful experience. #5 should be in every Scotch cabinet.

#5 was shortly to be brandished as a Bunnahabain 25 year old. What's with two unusually aged 25 year old fine Scotches? Thereupon we were appraised of the 25 year anniversary of one of the esteemed Board members whose astute and lovely wife presented him with the Scotch nectar of those years. That Director has just been too pampered.

Kate Bull and Andrew Embick stories were shared amid joviality. The Kate Bull in the car with other climbers and cigars all the way to Valdez and back story, is always a worthy account. Imagine Kate being polite to her fellow climbers on the way to Valdez, and then after ice climbing, on the way back from Valdez, Kate rightfully being less inclined to endure the stinking cigar smoke from fellow climbers of no greater climbing skills.

#6 was promptly declared the flavor of the evening with a complex pink grapefruit prune flavor that flowed into leather with an aroma finish that could not be adequately complemented. Our attention is turned to the cigars.

#6 was unwrapped to be a Bowmoore 30 year old Single Malt Islay Scotch in a black ceramic bottle with a sea horse dragon on the label, lovely in all regards.

We retired to the veranda with a selection of cigars in hand, for discussion of all things important to the state of the State.

Heavy snows in the last couple years in Southeast Alaska have reduced the deer population a bit, but the interior moose are doing well, and the receding ice in Greenland is presenting new land for various scientific analyses of land long under ice. The Galaxy Pipe made from bird's eye maple was discussed, and implemented, along with cigar tools and comments on barb wire fencing. Chicken raising was compared with sheep and goat raising in northern ecosystems, and Danny Woods is raising cattle on the grass portion of the local hay fields.

Three Board members obscured an otherwise fine photo of a 1973 Jeep Commando, the last year the Jeep Commando was made, and the only year it had that non-jeep-like front. It was the first SUV. A few years later American Motors rightfully went bankrupt, and the Jeep name was bought by Chrysler, which sustained its incompetence with taxpayer money slipped to it by crooked politicians, as usual. If American auto manufacturers would drive a Japanese car for a month, they would learn what American auto drivers want in a car.

We would ask how Fairbanks got so many ugly, ugly hotels in the last couple years if we did not already understand the tourism boom and the progression of economic efficiency. It is okay, since most tourists have no taste in fine hotels anyway. In contrast, the FSMS&FCS Board of Directors patronize only the finest tents and snow caves in the mountains befitting our elevated status.

A formal motion was made, homdihoomed upon and adopted regarding the next Board meeting to be conducted on Mischief. So be it. At least a week long meeting is in order, with a prior prepared crab pot strategy. It was noted that cigars on the veranda, and therefore on the deck of a sailboat, seem more pleasant than in a small cabin in the winter. The annual winter meeting of the Board is in jeopardy.

Some amazing yachts show up in Juneau and Sitka in the summer, each of which no doubt have an ample Scotch supply in the hold. If you sail an amazing yacht, or just an impressive one, or even a Klepper kayak with a hold stocked with Scotches, in Alaska waters, kindly contact the web slave who will notify the Board members for a meeting of the Society on your yacht, if you wish. The Society meeting minutes may be entered into the Ship's Log to elevate its status in the future annals of yacht sailing history.

There is yet a dearth of pirate ships, but that fascinating social and economic stimulus plan sub-culture seems to be on the increase. Modern pirate ships are not known for their on-board supply of Scotch, and are thus not yet fully integrated into society.

The fine efforts of the Alaska Brew Company in Juneau were complimented. Their Smoked Porter is to be appreciated at any opportunity. And a photo session was conducted, which induced a dissertation on camera battery technology.

Thereupon the Board retired to the local ski trails through the trees, for a walk-about. In fact it was quite a long walk-about. Our first duty was to communicate with, ask permission, and pay respects to the famous Triferformed Birch Ent who graced our efforts with good tree energy.

We visited the nearby very old remnants of a classic miner's cabin next to the remains of an old drift mine. There was so much material brought out of the mine, stacked up around it, that it was probably a good gold producing mine for awhile. Exploratory shafts do not have that much material around them. Bedrock in the area is close to the surface, and bedrock is where gold is found. Last year's goshawk nest was visited. Profound concepts were discussed out in the woods where the government spy microphones could not record our secret policies, plans and conclusions, which is why we did a walk-about or course. When we start making Alaska Scotch, using the abundant Alaska peat for roasting the malt, we do not want any incessantly bothersome Federalies wanting to be customers for the purpose of arresting us for an unapproved use of peat. They can get their Scotch from Washington DC.

The photo shows one of the Directors describing the diameter of the largest tree found in interior Alaska. Well, what we lack in tree size, we make up for in, ah, mosquitoes.

Next a house, shop and woodshed tour rounded out our exercise-rejuvenated intellectual abilities.

Fascinating history was learned. Some moose antler stories were told, and high quality art was pontificated upon. There is the opportunity for a mountain artist to become profoundly famous by painting a large, classic, grand Alaska Range mountain scene, and donating the painting to the prestigious world headquarters of the Alaskan Alpine Club, where climbers from around the world will admire it, then go climb the mountain in the scene of course. What? Purchase the painting? With what? We are talking about a mountain climber's headquarters, not a government agency that took everybody's money away from them so government could by all the art for itself, and leave the people with magazine pictures.

A trip to the Black Rapids glacier was planned, with a dozen artists to compete for the opportunity to paint and donate such a painting. Good idea, huh? Good ideas arise from good Scotch.

Back in the meeting cabin, it was concluded that the next meeting shall take place in Taku Harbor. The Juneau Director shall provide biddies as desert cigars.

A somewhat approximate quorum being present, the prestigious Board of Directors of the prestigious Alaskan Alpine Club conducted a somewhat discussion of prestigious business. The HQ project, museum project, classic mountain painting, roof ice axe for Google Earth, and Waterman hut project, were discussed, and all the previous conclusions ratified. We reviewed the fine flavors of the evening's Scotch notes.

Bioluminescent trails behind Mischief were described in detail, along with an array of similar stories, rhetorical illusions and a few bald-faced lies.

The meeting was adjourned at 1:10 AM. Expect the results to be recognized internationally.

There may be more stories after I see what-all on my desk is too late to get done anyway.

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